Our well-being is fuelled in great parts by what our environment gives us or the way it reflects us.
Every time we get a compliment, a pat on the back, a hug, a praise, a tender touch, or simply a look of love or a smile, our account at the Affection Bank gets a deposit.
Eventually we reach a level where we feel good about ourselves, when our account there is full. It's the ideal place where we have plenty to give to others: love, affection, time, patience.
That level differs for everyone - for people with good self-esteem, it takes less time to reach that level, because self-esteem means half the account already filled; for those less fortunate, it takes longer.
Conversely, every time we experience a negative, we draw on the account to make up for it. "Three people think I'm cool, one doesn't like me, I'm still ok".
Everything that shakes our emotional well-being draws on our account. It can be an argument, or a nasty word, a physical blow, or simply the loss of someone dear to us.
Where things get difficult, is when those events multiply, and the account gets close to zero. Then we start feeling anxious. We don't feel good about ourselves anymore, and we frantically look around us to get some positive reinforcement. We may actually become agitated or even unpleasant in the process, as would a very hungry person who can see the food but not reach it.
Whereas depression means that when your account is not quite full, but not necessarily empty, every time you check your balance it tells you "zero".
Why am I talking about this? Because it is important to realise what part positive feedback plays in our lives, how we depend on it; also that we can deposit for others, the ultimate in "paying it forward". This might be take the shape of reaching out, to reassure and get reassured that even though our Affection Bank account might be close to empty, we're still loveable and loved.
Who will you make a deposit for today?
Or even better, for how many people can you make a deposit today?