There is an insidiousness about depression.
Like a fog that slowly, discretely descends unto a city, imperceptible at first, slowly thickening, until it's so opaque it has blanketed everything and visibility is reduced to zero.
It often starts off with shapeless feelings of being inadequate, sometimes triggered by the outside - rejection, loneliness, grief, failure, powerlessness - and sometimes bubbling up from the inside.
By the time those feelings take form, they have become words - a stream of words saying "I'm not good enough".
This is the moment when people who do not suffer from depression would reach out to their friends, their family, to reassure themselves about their lovability, their worthiness, and to feel less alone.
But that's where depression is a bitch. It saps all self-esteem. All feelings of self-worth. Depression whispers to us "Your friends are happy, they don't care. No-one wants to listen to a sad person"; so we don't reach out.
Non-depressed people would console themselves with nice food, or a beautiful sunset. Depression instead cuts our appetite, makes everything taste bland, the same. The sunset? how can we care about the sunset when all we feel inside is one big emptiness...
Life is grey, shapeless, loveless, worthless. That's what it looks like to someone who suffers from depression. To tell them "just snap out of it" is like telling someone who has lost a limb to "just grow it back". When we are inside, we cannot even SEE the outside, let alone try to reach it.
So what can you do when you know someone struggles with depression?
Well, first of all they need your love. They need to be told that you are there for them, in words but also in deeds.
A hug - proper human contact - is a great place to start. A phone call, an email, to show them they are not forgotten, not lost, and that the outside not only exists but reaches for them.
Make time for them. Sure, they may not be the best company right now, but someone to hold their hand, to offer a shoulder to cry on could be a life-saver.
They may benefit from medication. A friendly GP goes a long way. If you know a good one, offer to take them there.
For some people suffering from depression, when they start making their way out of it, therapy can be helpful, to explore where those thoughts and feelings of worthlessness come from, and to analyse them rationally and to dispute them as they mostly are not based on reality. And to work on small steps to reintroduce joy into their life.
For those of us who are suffering right now, all I can say is please hang on.
You are loved. You are needed. You are not alone.
Your life will be worth living again.
Please reach out.
charlotte.stapf@yahoo.com
www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
www.beyondblue.org.au