Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert is one of those much-cited, seldom-read novels.
I did read it. About 25 years ago.
It's the quintessential story of a woman who gets married, is dissatisfied with her life, takes one lover then another, convinced they can offer her a better life, and when cast away by them, commits suicide. Her husband dies of grief, and their daughter ends up in poverty.
Put like this, one wonders why it should be read, and why so much has been made of this novel...
Well, for one, it is superbly written. Its style is realism - the opposite of a romantic novel - and that makes it so modern, even today.
Then there is a brilliant social commentary to be found in it: how Emma Bovary's unfulfilled social aspirations ultimately cause her downfall. A theme that is still very topical today. And something that I often hear from my clients.
The bigger the discrepancy between our desires and our life, the less satisfied we are with the latter. In today's world, we are told that we should expect happiness, desire, possessions, that we are entitled to them. Today the entertainment industry (movies, songs, the internet, and to a lesser extent books) shows us what "real life" should be like. Back in Flaubert's time, novels, preferably romantic ones, taught the middle classes what to desire...
Esther Perel puts it nicely, when she says that affairs are less about the person we cheat with, and more about our self as we see it reflected in their eyes. For Emma Bovary, it's about who she is with her lover, the potential she sees of her own life; but of course her life comes down crashing when she is rejected - being not worthy in her lovers' eyes means to her that she is not worthy full stop.
That is always the problem, not only about unfaithfulness: when our value depends on outside appraisals, that value is the opposite of "self-esteem".
Now imagine if you could see yourself as a lover would, without having to resort to an affair; if you could love yourself with the same passion and generosity. In some ways, that is also what therapy is about: to teach you how loveable you are, and that you deserve to be treated well by others - and first and foremost by yourself.
I did read it. About 25 years ago.
It's the quintessential story of a woman who gets married, is dissatisfied with her life, takes one lover then another, convinced they can offer her a better life, and when cast away by them, commits suicide. Her husband dies of grief, and their daughter ends up in poverty.
Put like this, one wonders why it should be read, and why so much has been made of this novel...
Well, for one, it is superbly written. Its style is realism - the opposite of a romantic novel - and that makes it so modern, even today.
Then there is a brilliant social commentary to be found in it: how Emma Bovary's unfulfilled social aspirations ultimately cause her downfall. A theme that is still very topical today. And something that I often hear from my clients.
The bigger the discrepancy between our desires and our life, the less satisfied we are with the latter. In today's world, we are told that we should expect happiness, desire, possessions, that we are entitled to them. Today the entertainment industry (movies, songs, the internet, and to a lesser extent books) shows us what "real life" should be like. Back in Flaubert's time, novels, preferably romantic ones, taught the middle classes what to desire...
Esther Perel puts it nicely, when she says that affairs are less about the person we cheat with, and more about our self as we see it reflected in their eyes. For Emma Bovary, it's about who she is with her lover, the potential she sees of her own life; but of course her life comes down crashing when she is rejected - being not worthy in her lovers' eyes means to her that she is not worthy full stop.
That is always the problem, not only about unfaithfulness: when our value depends on outside appraisals, that value is the opposite of "self-esteem".
Now imagine if you could see yourself as a lover would, without having to resort to an affair; if you could love yourself with the same passion and generosity. In some ways, that is also what therapy is about: to teach you how loveable you are, and that you deserve to be treated well by others - and first and foremost by yourself.