We all receive a garden when we are born - our mind. How that garden looks depends on what we received to start with, and on our experiences.
Some receive a large park, elegantly planted with tall trees and lovely shrubs, and an immaculate lawn; others receive only a small garden, with lots of rocks, barely any soil, on a sheer cliff-face.
We don't get to choose which one we receive. But we do get to choose what we make of it. Whether we were spoilt or not, it is the amount of time that we spend tending our garden that will make a difference.
For some, basic maintenance will be enough. For others, a lot of hard work will be necessary. All gardens though benefit from time spent tending them.
In my experience as a therapist, some of the most beautiful gardens I was privileged to see materialise over time seemed quite despairing at the beginning. They looked such a mess, so overgrown, with resentment, anger, grief, pain.
But the owners refused to let it lie that way. Every day, they plucked away at it, weeded it. Every week, they got an external gardener in for an hour (me) - not to do the gardening for them, but to help set general directions. It takes time, sometimes multiple seasons, until the garden is looking its best.
And what an achievement when it does take shape. Some rocks have been removed, others carefully integrated into the landscape. Every corner you look at, something grows, flowers, soothes the view.
Personally, I am a fan of Japanese gardens, which take into account the particularity of every rock, crooked tree, shrub, and plan the outline around all the existing. It's a personal preference. I can see the beauty in the garden of the Chateau de Versailles, but it doesn't speak to my heart.
I find beauty in the pain and hurt that has been overcome. To me, it is like a beacon of hope for others, still stumbling in the dark, struggling with life's messes.
Speak out, to others, about your struggles, those that you are still in, and those you have overcome. Show them your garden, imperfect yet beautiful. Share it with them. We will all be richer for it.