I have a theory (well, more than one, but this is the one for today):
When we drink because we are happy, to celebrate, with friends, what I call "festive alcohol", we drink to enhance a positive state of mind. Alcohol lubricates, disinhibits, but isn't the actual point of the occasion - the celebration is.
When we drink to forget, to numb our pain, or to deaden what we think are otherwise unbearable emotions, that's when alcohol leads to addiction. Because the more we avoid those "bad" emotions (read sadness, grief, anger etc.), and the earlier we start doing that, the less we learn how to deal with them, to process them, and ultimately to accept them. The result? we reach for the glass or the bottle as our first and soon only line of defence. And as soon as the effects wear off, we want to top them up, because the emotions are only pushed under for as long as alcohol's influence hasn't worn off.
Of course, feel free to replace the word "alcohol" with drugs, sex, gambling, or any other addictive behaviour you can think of. They can all be used in the same way - to either enhance what we feel, or to numb ourselves.
I have yet to meet in my private practice a client who says: "I love to party, I'm a happy person, but I have a real addiction problem now". For all of the clients I have ever seen, their addiction stemmed from trying to cope with trauma as well as they could, with the means they had at hand at the time.
So, if you like going to the pub, or drink moderately (whatever that means...) every day and are wondering whether you're an alcoholic - the answer is no, unless you're drinking to drown your sorrows. Same quantity - different purpose - different outcome.
When we drink because we are happy, to celebrate, with friends, what I call "festive alcohol", we drink to enhance a positive state of mind. Alcohol lubricates, disinhibits, but isn't the actual point of the occasion - the celebration is.
When we drink to forget, to numb our pain, or to deaden what we think are otherwise unbearable emotions, that's when alcohol leads to addiction. Because the more we avoid those "bad" emotions (read sadness, grief, anger etc.), and the earlier we start doing that, the less we learn how to deal with them, to process them, and ultimately to accept them. The result? we reach for the glass or the bottle as our first and soon only line of defence. And as soon as the effects wear off, we want to top them up, because the emotions are only pushed under for as long as alcohol's influence hasn't worn off.
Of course, feel free to replace the word "alcohol" with drugs, sex, gambling, or any other addictive behaviour you can think of. They can all be used in the same way - to either enhance what we feel, or to numb ourselves.
I have yet to meet in my private practice a client who says: "I love to party, I'm a happy person, but I have a real addiction problem now". For all of the clients I have ever seen, their addiction stemmed from trying to cope with trauma as well as they could, with the means they had at hand at the time.
So, if you like going to the pub, or drink moderately (whatever that means...) every day and are wondering whether you're an alcoholic - the answer is no, unless you're drinking to drown your sorrows. Same quantity - different purpose - different outcome.