Often my clients who are struggling with emotions of anger, fear or sadness, and who in the course of that struggle have self-medicated with alcohol, drugs, sex or gambling, will ask me:
"What is the point of having emotions?"
When your emotional life mainly presents as suffering, that question is a very appropriate one. Why do we need those pesky emotions which "make us feel bad"?
The answer is very simple: emotions are nature's feedback system (honed over many millennia) for what is happening to us.
Good stuff? positive emotions tell us to get more of those experiences.
Bad stuff? the negative emotions tell us to avoid and stay away.
When we allow ourselves to feel the emotions, we get valuable info on what we need to do.
And when we are brushing them under the carpet with a flick of our mind, or through alcohol, drugs, or whatever we use to self-medicate, we make a situation bearable that is not meant to be bearable.
If we are exposed to trauma and violence, the fear or anger will guide us to fight or flight. When we ignore those emotions, we remain in a situation that is detrimental to us.
Emotions that are not acknowledged do not disappear - they only fester. The fear and anger about having been abused as a child for example might morph as an adult into extreme anxiety for their safety and into panic attacks.
Part of my work with clients who have self-medicated for a very long time is to slowly let them experience those emotions in a safe and contained environment, in our sessions. That allows them to find out what changes they want to make to their lives.
For those suffering from post-traumatic stress or from the long-term effects of having been abused as children, they can start looking at the trauma, and allow themselves to grieve for their losses - of innocence, of safety, of wholeness. Then the next step of the therapy begins: finding a way to make sense and to create a new narrative of their life as survivors, not victims.
"What is the point of having emotions?"
When your emotional life mainly presents as suffering, that question is a very appropriate one. Why do we need those pesky emotions which "make us feel bad"?
The answer is very simple: emotions are nature's feedback system (honed over many millennia) for what is happening to us.
Good stuff? positive emotions tell us to get more of those experiences.
Bad stuff? the negative emotions tell us to avoid and stay away.
When we allow ourselves to feel the emotions, we get valuable info on what we need to do.
And when we are brushing them under the carpet with a flick of our mind, or through alcohol, drugs, or whatever we use to self-medicate, we make a situation bearable that is not meant to be bearable.
If we are exposed to trauma and violence, the fear or anger will guide us to fight or flight. When we ignore those emotions, we remain in a situation that is detrimental to us.
Emotions that are not acknowledged do not disappear - they only fester. The fear and anger about having been abused as a child for example might morph as an adult into extreme anxiety for their safety and into panic attacks.
Part of my work with clients who have self-medicated for a very long time is to slowly let them experience those emotions in a safe and contained environment, in our sessions. That allows them to find out what changes they want to make to their lives.
For those suffering from post-traumatic stress or from the long-term effects of having been abused as children, they can start looking at the trauma, and allow themselves to grieve for their losses - of innocence, of safety, of wholeness. Then the next step of the therapy begins: finding a way to make sense and to create a new narrative of their life as survivors, not victims.