Like everyone I go through ups and downs in my internal world (my life doesn't actually have that many ups and downs, yet you wouldn't know that looking at the emotional rollercoaster I'm sometimes on).
I have previously written on what it feels like to go through depression (I prefer to think of it as "going through" rather than "living with", as it has a less endless feel to it).
Today I would like to talk about what is helpful for me.
This is not a "pull yourself together and do all the right things" sort of post - this is a post on what does work, if you have the strength to implement it*.
Depression is a quintessentially lonely place. You feel small, vulnerable, sad, abandoned. So much so that it feels counterintuitive to reach out, as the little voice of depression whispers to you that you will be rejected, as you feel so unworthy of love and attention.
Yet, the only way to find out whether that voice is telling the truth, or showing you a mirage, is to reach out and find out for yourself. Screw the little voice. It serves itself only, its purpose is to keep you where it feels safe (and an awful place it is too).
What happens then? You pick up the phone, and talk to someone that in your previous state, the one where you functioned like everyone else, has been your friend. Someone close enough for you to be able to show your vulnerability, someone kind enough to tell the truth to: that you feel like you're dying inside.
The miracle is what happens next: you find out that you are loveable, that you are indeed loved. That you have been missed whilst you were away licking your wounds. That you are worthy of their time, their attention and their love.
You do this once, and you feel a little ray of hope. You do this twice, and you start realising that you have a network of friends, only waiting you offer you support, a helping hand, and most importantly, hope.
Hope that what you are going through does not have to be borne alone. That all this terrible angst, those horrible feelings are only that - feelings, not the reality of your life.
So reach out, if you can*, to those in your life who have been friends before the big fog descended on you. You will find out that even though you couldn't see them through the fog, they are still there, ready to show you the love that you have shown them.
* If you don't have the strength to reach out, you may find that anti-depressants can help you to get back to a place where you can function enough to do so.
To those of you who are lucky not to know what I am talking about, here is what you can do when a friend with depression reaches out to you: just be there for them, hold their hand, physically or metaphorically, because by that simple action you dispel the most awful lie that depression tells: the belief of the sufferer that he is all alone.