The cycle of domestic violence starts off like this:
1. Everything is going ok at the beginning - you're in love, and the relationship is good.
2. Tension grows, from the outside (for example work) or the inside (disagreements in the couple).
3. Domestic abuse happens (in one or several of its many forms).
4. Afterwards the perpetrator apologises profusely, promises it will never happen again, is particularly attentive & nice to the victim, "makes up for it" - the so-called "honeymoon-phase" of domestic violence.
5. And back to number one.
It makes me think of a roller-coaster ride, hence why a comparison to the cycle of addiction is not far off: from the heights of the high, to the lows of withdrawal... and back up (though not nearly as high, because the fear of the lows is creeping in).
In my private practice, I have seen quite a few women in domestic abuse situations, one of whom described it in a particularly striking way: when the tension was very high, she would wish for her partner to hit her, to get it over, so she would get to the honeymoon phase sooner.
It cannot be a coincidence that very many of the victims of domestic abuse I know, both through my work and within my friends, also struggle with addictions... My theory is that it is just as easy to be addicted to an abusive partner, who treats us in turns appallingly and wonderfully as it is to be to any substance, which gets us high and then crushes us.
And the road to recovery is a long one, and starts with the awareness of how we may stay in the cycle, for example by deceiving ourselves because that seems easier to do (in the current moment) than to accept that "cold turkey" is the way to go...