Charlotte's blog

You can find more info about my work as a Psychotherapist (in Sydney and on Zoom) at http://www.charlottestapf.com.au

Saturday, 22 February 2025

"Live where you are loved"

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I came across this little sentence today - it was pinned up in a window display - and it made me think. Of course, it has an immediate meani...
Monday, 28 October 2024

The choice we have to make at all times: connection or protection

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At any given time, we are faced with a choice, whether we realise it or not: We can either  protect ourselves from harm, pain, risk  or turn...
Monday, 1 April 2024

"The BAD leg" - or how our mind can change our body

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I was travelling recently and over the course of a few days my right foot started to hurt, quite badly, even when I was just lying down. I d...
Thursday, 31 August 2023

The body-hack I wish I had learned earlier

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For a long time now, I have resisted the idea that my body is anything other than the "carrier" for my brain. My credo was always ...
Monday, 22 May 2023

Inflammation - a new theory about depression

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The latest theory about depression links it to excessive inflammation in the body (which is also what happens in certain autoimmune disease...
Friday, 19 May 2023

Time or money - which one do you prioritise?

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In my experience, there are two types of people - the ones who prioritise time, and the ones who prioritise money - but what neither seem to...
Wednesday, 19 October 2022

Blame or curiosity - a very different outcome

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This article is about how we can change the way an argument goes, and its outcome. Most of the time when we are dissatisfied with the way so...
Wednesday, 5 October 2022

How to change your life in 5 minutes a day - yes, really!

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I have mentioned before how our world view is strongly influenced by our focus:   Look for dangers, see the dangers. Look for wonderful thi...
Wednesday, 8 September 2021

A lion in Hyde Park!!! or the difference between fear and anxiety

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Have you ever wondered about the difference between fear and anxiety? Apart from the vague feeling that one doesn't last as long as the ...
Thursday, 2 September 2021

My "3-legged dog" theory

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Welcome to my latest theory - that we are all like 3-legged dogs. Let me explain. We go through life thinking that people have got a pretty ...
Tuesday, 2 March 2021

"How to talk to blokes" - or a general guide on how to be heard

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I often hear complaints about how "men don't listen" both by friends and clients and when I question what exactly happened a f...
Tuesday, 18 August 2020

When soothing your anxiety is becoming a full-time job

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We all have ways to soothe our anxieties away - some more healthy than others. For some it's about interrupting it through physical stim...
Monday, 18 May 2020

Healthy boundaries are like a good garden fence

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For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you might remember how I have likened our mental space to a garden , and psychot...
Thursday, 23 April 2020

The impact of isolation on mental health

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Here we are, the world as we know it doesn't exist anymore - no more travel, no more restaurants, and no more school! Hopefully this i...
Wednesday, 8 January 2020

How perfectionism is a sure way to fail

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I've been wondering why it has become so difficult lately for me to write new articles for this blog. I have plenty of ideas, subjects...
Wednesday, 5 June 2019

Phone addiction: it is real and it is hurting our relationships

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Odds you are reading this on your phone right now. And as much as I am pleased that my writings find an audience, I am also scared by the...
Friday, 22 February 2019

Psychiatrist, psychotherapist, psychologist - who's what?

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"So, what do you do?" Most of the times when I answer "I'm a Psychotherapist" to that question, I get a puzzled lo...
Friday, 16 November 2018

Vicarious trauma - the hint is in the word "trauma"

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Vicarious trauma in short is the trauma that you experience hearing or seeing someone else's trauma. It shows up with similar symptoms ...
Saturday, 8 September 2018

What you focus on is what you will see.

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No, this is not a "state the obvious" blog post - it's not about seeing what you look at. It is about how our focus includes ...
Tuesday, 14 August 2018

Why depression is a mental illness

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Surely you have also wondered how depression is a mental illness when pretty much everyone sometimes suffers from feeling down or depressed,...
Thursday, 28 June 2018

The notion of "enthusiastic consent"

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In the wake of the #metoo movement, light has been thrown on different definitions of rape - clearly the legal fraternity has a different on...
Friday, 18 May 2018

The two main conditions for successful therapy

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Have you ever wondered what helps make therapy successful? Which are the main tools, the modalities, the therapist training that mean you w...
Thursday, 8 March 2018

"You spot it, you got it" - or the first rule (of thumb) of psychology

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"You spot it, you got it" basically sums up the relationship of us noticing something in someone else (usually something we'r...
Wednesday, 28 February 2018

The curse of face blindness

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One day, when my father was still in his 20s, he was walking in Berlin, and upon coming across a man in an overcoat thought to himself ...
Sunday, 31 December 2017

Empathy and the "wounded healer"

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Empathy has been one of those popular buzzwords lately, like compassion or  mindfulness , but it often gets confused with its cousin sympat...
Saturday, 23 December 2017

Why Christmas so often ends up being shit

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Are you starting to get that feeling? Christmas around the corner, and still so much to plan, to do, to buy? What about the seating plan? ...
Thursday, 30 November 2017

Intimacy and resentment: impossible bedfellows

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I have previously written about resentment and the harm it does to those who hold on to it and I just love the definition AA uses: "...
Wednesday, 25 October 2017

How alcohol and drugs stunt the emotional growth of adolescents

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As I have previously written, there is a great difference between festive alcohol and drug consumption and the use of them as chemical crut...
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Charlotte Stapf Psychotherapist
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