For most of my life, I have been an observer of humans and their rituals, mostly through conversations and books about them. I even "collect" humans - interesting specimens who are my friends and acquaintances.
Sounds weird? Yes, I am aware that the way I just phrased this makes me an "alien". And that is how I have felt a lot of my life - an outsider, looking in. Over the years and decades though, I have learnt the language: I speak "human" now.
By now some of my readers might be tempted to put some labels on me and my brain which functions and more importantly, uses a different language to the main-stream.
In my early childhood and until adolescence, my inability to understand and speak the mainstream language led to ostracism and bullying. By the time I was 14, I understood that my language was not the universal one, and that it was up to me to learn the latter if I wanted to communicate in a way that allowed me to be understood. By 21 I was fluent and at last able to fit in, sort of, and started having friends, mostly older (more tolerant?) than those of my own age.
But there is a difference between fitting in and belonging (thank you Brené Brown for the distinction) - the same difference between using a second language and the one you've grown up with.
Every now and then, I meet someone from my tribe. I can speak my own language (think of it as a very logic-based form of English or French, depending on who I speak with) and they get me without any misunderstanding! Those are my people, and there exists a whole tribe of "us"! Some are even natives of both sides - they are perfectly bilingual.
Most of the people whom I meet nowadays would think I'm one of bilingual ones, until very quickly a slip of the tongue might give me away to the careful observer: I'm not getting it "quite right" all the time. I still have to switch mainstream "on", and it's not flawless.
Why am I writing about this today? Because at last, at 54, I am able to put words on this. And, as always with my blog, because I aim to build bridges for people to understand people.
It's quite funny that I ended up working as a psychotherapist, a "people specialist", yet it makes perfect sense because I can use my "logical" brain to see patterns that people are stuck in, and then show them what those look like as well as alternative ways of dealing with their situation, in their own language.
Yet more importantly, growing up as an outsider has taught me about loneliness and human suffering and has given me greater compassion for our differences.
Today, in this article, I want to thank all the people in my life, friends, family, clients, who have made the effort to look beyond our difference, and allowed me to connect over our shared humanity.